England football jokes

[Wags]

No offence intended to you football fans....but I thought these were quite amusing (the Scots amongst us will laugh anyway):

Q: Why aren't the England team allowed to own a dog?
A: Because they can't hold on to a lead.

Q:What's the difference between the England team and a tea-bag?
A:The tea-bag stays in the cup longer.

Q:What does a 3 pin plug and the England football team have in common?
A:They are both useless in Europe.

Q:Why do England footballers make the best lovers?
A:They stay on top for 89 minutes and still come second.

There are more but that's enough for now...Ahem.... :lol:

[trust]

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:


Us Scots would not be allowed to get away with saying those Wags :lol:

Nice one's

[Big_Joe]

wags wags wags come m8 bit a national loyalty in our fight to dominate europe on the football field.

Joe

[shifty]

:D :D :D :D Nice one Wags.Could not agree more .
It`s true we can`t hold a lead. 8O

[r1ncewind]

couldnt find any scottish football jokes so heres some normal ones :D

A Scotsman is working at a sewerage. It's a warm day, so he takes off his jacket and drapes it over a handrail - where it slips off into a vast tank of poo!
He's just about to dive in when his mate shouts "It's nae guid tae do that, the jacket's ruined"
He replies "Aye, ah ken, but ma sandwiches are in the pocket"


A Scots boy came home from school and told his mother he had been given a part in the school play. "Wonderful," says the mother, "What part is it?" The boy says "I play the part of the Scottish husband!" The mother scowls and says: "Go back and tell your teacher you want a speaking part."


Jock and a Englishman were flying from Edinburgh when the stewardess approached. "May I get you something?" she asked. "Aye, a whusky" Jock replied.
She poured him a drink then asked the Englishman if he'd like one. "Never!" he said sternly. "I'd rather be raped and ravished by whores all the way to America than drink whisky!"
Jock hurriedly passed the drink back, saying "Och, Ah didna ken there wuz a choice!"


Double glazing is doing great business in Scotland in hope that the children cannot hear the icecream van when it comes round.


Angus called in to see his friend Donald to find he was stripping the wallpaper from the walls. Rather obviously, he remarked "You're decorating, I see." to which Donald replied "Naw. I'm moving house."

i wet mesel laughin he he :lol: