Falkwing
15-05-2005, 11:59 PM
Two fish swim into a concrete wall.
One turns to the other and says "dam"
**********
Two peanuts walk into a bar
One was a salted.
**********
A jump-lead walks into a bar.
The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
**********
A sandwich walks into a bar.
The barman says, "Sorry - we don't serve food in here."
**********
A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
**********
A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under
his arm and says:"A beer please, and one for the road."
**********
Two aerials meet on a roof, fall in love get married.
The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was
brilliant.
**********
Two cannibals are eating a clown.
One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"
**********
"Doc, I can't stop singing 'The green, green grass of
home'." That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome."
"Is it common?"
"It's not unusual."
**********
Two cows standing next to each other in a field, Daisy says to Dolly:
"I was artificially inseminated this morning."
"I don't believe you," said Dolly.
"It's true, no bull!"
**********
A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only cling film shorts.
The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."
**********
Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.
One says, "I've lost my electron."
The other says, "Are you sure?"
The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..."
**********
Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bullsh#t
before.
**********
A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, "My
dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?
"Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him". So
he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth.
Finally, he says "I'm g oing to have to put him down."
"What? Because he's cross-eyed?"
"No, because he's really heavy"
**********
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day
but I couldn't find any.
**********
I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50
quid that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf.
And he said, "No, the steaks are too high."
**********
My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli.
He was pulled in by a strong currant.
*********
A man walks into doctor's office.
"What seems to be the problem?" asks the doc.
"It's... um... well... I have five penises." replies
the man.
"Blimey!" says the doctor, "How do your trousers fit?"
"Like a glove."
**********
Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his
van covered with nuts & hundreds and thousands.
Police say that he topped himself.
**********
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh
********
Two fish are in a tank
One says to the other "I'll man the guns, you drive"
One turns to the other and says "dam"
**********
Two peanuts walk into a bar
One was a salted.
**********
A jump-lead walks into a bar.
The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
**********
A sandwich walks into a bar.
The barman says, "Sorry - we don't serve food in here."
**********
A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
**********
A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under
his arm and says:"A beer please, and one for the road."
**********
Two aerials meet on a roof, fall in love get married.
The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was
brilliant.
**********
Two cannibals are eating a clown.
One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"
**********
"Doc, I can't stop singing 'The green, green grass of
home'." That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome."
"Is it common?"
"It's not unusual."
**********
Two cows standing next to each other in a field, Daisy says to Dolly:
"I was artificially inseminated this morning."
"I don't believe you," said Dolly.
"It's true, no bull!"
**********
A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only cling film shorts.
The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."
**********
Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.
One says, "I've lost my electron."
The other says, "Are you sure?"
The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..."
**********
Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bullsh#t
before.
**********
A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, "My
dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?
"Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him". So
he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth.
Finally, he says "I'm g oing to have to put him down."
"What? Because he's cross-eyed?"
"No, because he's really heavy"
**********
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day
but I couldn't find any.
**********
I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50
quid that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf.
And he said, "No, the steaks are too high."
**********
My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli.
He was pulled in by a strong currant.
*********
A man walks into doctor's office.
"What seems to be the problem?" asks the doc.
"It's... um... well... I have five penises." replies
the man.
"Blimey!" says the doctor, "How do your trousers fit?"
"Like a glove."
**********
Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his
van covered with nuts & hundreds and thousands.
Police say that he topped himself.
**********
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh
********
Two fish are in a tank
One says to the other "I'll man the guns, you drive"